March 25, 2008

Software Development Cycle

software development lifecycle
1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.
4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs.
5. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.
6. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
7. Users find 137 new bugs.
8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
10. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.
11. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
12. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch.
13. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free...

Life without Computer

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 ½ inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out!

Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!

Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!

Cut - you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!

Cobol Programmer's Joke

Jack was a COBOL programmer in the mid to late 1990s. After years of being taken for granted and treated as a technological dinosaur by all the Client/Server programmers and website developers, he was finally getting some respect. He'd become a private consultant specializing in Year 2000 conversions.

Several years of this relentless, mind-numbing work had taken its toll on Jack. He began having anxiety dreams about the Year 2000. All he could think about was how he could avoid the year 2000 and all that came with it.

Jack decided to contact a company that specialized in cryogenics. He made a deal to have himself frozen until March 15th, 2000. The next thing he would know is he'd wake up in the year 2000; after the New Year celebrations and computer debacles; after the leap day. Nothing else to worry about except getting on with his life.

He was put into his cryogenic receptacle, the technicians set the revive date, he was given injections to slow his heartbeat to a bare minimum, and that was that.

The next thing that Jack saw was an enormous and very modern room filled with excited people. They were all shouting "I can't believe it!" and "It's a miracle" and "He's alive!". There were cameras (unlike any he'd ever seen) and equipment that looked like it came out of a science fiction movie.

Someone who was obviously a spokesperson for the group stepped forward. Jack couldn't contain his enthusiasm. "Is it over?" he asked. "Is the year 2000 already here? Are all the millennial parties and promotions and crises all over and done with?"

The spokesman explained that there had been a problem with the programming of the timer on Jack's cryogenic receptacle, it hadn't been year 2000 compliant. It was actually eight thousand years later, not the year 2000. Technology had advanced to such a degree that everyone had virtual reality interfaces which allowed them to contact anyone else on the planet.

"That sounds terrific," said Jack. "But I'm curious. Why is everybody so interested in me?"

"Well," said the spokesman. "The year 10000 is just around the corner, and it says in your files that you know COBOL".

Jika mobil kita menggunakan bahan bakar Coca Cola

March 13, 2008

Quote

"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur."

keren ya quote nya...

March 3, 2008

Gambar keren



Gimana ya bikinnya ?

Ide nya itu lhoo... keren bangettt.. :)

February 29, 2008

Gitu aja Kok Bangga (Terusan)

Ibaratnya mungkin seperti ini...

Suatu saat seseorang mengatakan bahwa "Ternyata ada kelemahan pada mobil Toyota Avanza yang diproduksi pada tahuhn 2006 (versi rpoduk).
Kelemahannya ada pada pintu belakang sebelah kiri(bagian dari aplikasi yang memiliki celah keamanan), yang dapat dengan mudah dibuka menggunakan Obeng minus (tools khusus), cara nya congkel pintu tersebut sekitar 60 com dari pojok bawah pintu (cara menggunakan tools khusus pada bagian aplikasi yang lemah).
Tentu saja cara ini hanya berhasil jika si pemilik mobil belum memodifikasi pintu nya (patch atau dicoding ulang atau di konfigurasi ulang)."

Setelah mendenger cerita terebut, X jalan-jalan ke parkiran gedung-gedung, dan mencari-cari mobil Avanza yang dibuat pada tahun 2006 tersebut dengan melihat tanda habis pajak plat nomor (googling dengan keyword signature aplikasi), kemudian setelah mendapatkan mobil Avanza yang sesuai kriteria erseut, X masukkan obeng kita ke pintu belakang sebelah kiri,mungkin tidak berhasil pada kesempatan pertama sehingga X mencari mobil avanza lain (tidak ada situs khusus yang dituju),setelah beberapa mobil, akhirnya ada juga yang behasil.

Dan mulailah X (terkadang X juga membawa teman-temannya masuk) menjahilinya.
Ada yang tertarik dengan tape mobilnya, ada yang tertarik dengan jok mobilnya,
ada yang dengan bangganya meninggalkan pesan di jok pengemudi "mobil Anda berhasil saya masuki, jika Anda butuh pengaman mobil hubungi saya", lengkap dengan no HP X, ada yang pengin memperlihatkan bahwa kita udah bisa masuk ke mobil ini dengan menuliskan nama kita di kaca mobil, ada yang merusak kunci pintu bagasi mobil,
agar jika pintu kanan belakang avanza diperbaiki, kita masih bisa masuk dari pintu bagasi, ada yang mencari-cari siapa tahu si pemilik mobil menginggalkan dompet beserta kartu ATM dan PIN nya,ada yang kemudian menggunakan mobil tersebut untuk tempat menaruh barang pribadi (file download-an), ditaruh di awah jok dan hanya diambil jika si pemilik (admin)sedang tidak ada di dalam mobil,... dst... masih banyak hal-hal yang bisa dilakukan

Humm...

Manakah yang lebbih kamu hormati ? Perancang Toyota Avanza, yang meskipun memiliki kelemahan tapi bisa menjual jutaan unit tiap tahunnya ?
atau kita yang hanya bisa melakukan semua jika ... ada yang memeritahukan kelemahan pada mobil, ada yang membuat obeng, ada yang memeritahukan cara memasukkan obeng agar bisa
mencongkel pintu ... ?

Apakah menurutmu si pemilik mobil lebih bodoh daripada X ?
Ehm... belum tentu juga... maksudnya... mungkin si pemilik mobil memang bodoh (atau teledor) namun belum tentu X lebih pinter daripada si pemilik mobil.
Coba saja kalo tidak ada yang memberitahukan kelemahan mobil Avanza kepada X,
apakah X masih bisa masuk ke mobil tersebut ? So kalo X pamer dan ilang dia pinter.... yaaa.. biarin aja laaah... ^^

Trus apa poin nya nih ?

Ehm...
Mungkin gini, pada awalnya mungkin gpp kalo pengin elajar security dari cara X tadi... tapi, berkembanglah.. jangan selamanya menjadi X...
Jadilah si periset, orang yang meriset dan menemukan kelemahan mobil Avanza... atau paling tidak jadilah yang membuat obeng yang multiguna....

Jangan terus-terusan bangga menjadi X... belum saatnya bangga !

Untuk menjadi si periset mungkin memang susah... kadang harus membeli dahulu... atau paling tidak, sering menggunakan mobil Avanza, mencoba-coba membobol pintu,
atau bahkan mungkin membutuhkan pergi ke pabriknya langsung di Sunter untuk melihat cara pembuatan body Avanza...
Tapi ya memang begitu kalo pengin puas...

Kecuali kalo memang sudah puas dengan hanya menjadi X :p